Thoughts....

Have you ever had so many thoughts in your head that you couldn't keep them all straight?

Well, thats me lately. I begin to think about one thing... and another just pops in my head. Or I will have a million thoughts in my head all at once.... and that is sometimes followed by a headache..... I know I have posted a few things about me being so busy and everything being hectic. I have just had a lot on my mind and I just don't think it will get much better any time soon..... Why you ask?

For the last few years I have had some unexplainable problems. I have gained a lot of weight even though I have tried to diet and work out and some other problems that only women would understand. I had went to my family doctor and she didn't know what was going on. The monthly fairy had not brought me my "gift" in quite some time... and Eric and I were getting worried. My family doc. decided I needed to see a specialist and that's just what I did.

On my first visit, I told the doc. about everything that had been going on. She said it can be one of two things. You are just abnormal (this was followed my a giggle and a smile) or you could have a disease and/or a form of cancer..... I thought to myself, "this is a cruel joke.... me no way... I guess I'm just not normal, I can handle that." Then she followed it with, "we will need to do an ultrasound to make sure." I went out to the car and I was shocked. I worried a little bit but Eric tried to comforted me and told me that my cycle may just be a little abnormal and they just need to rule out some things with the ultrasound. It will all be ok he said.

On my second visit, I had the ultrasound and I asked the nurse what she saw. She said it doesn't look all that good. She saw several cysts. I asked her what causes them. She says that She thought I had PCOD (poly cystic ovary disease, aka PCOS poly cystic ovary syndrome). Just the sound of this scared me. She said that she couldn't give a diagnosis and that the doc. would look at the ultrasound and a nurse would call me with the results. I left that day a train wreck! Eric had a lunch meeting but I called him anyways, hoping he had not gotten to their lunch destination yet. He answered and all I could do was cry.

You see I asked the nurse more ?'s about PCOD and she explained to me that people at the stage that I am have a hard time having kids, if they can at all. (side note- I watch the show Jon & Kate plus 8. Kate has PCOD and they could not get prego on their own. She had to have infertility treatments and now she has two sets of multiples.) Most all women have weight gain but some people gain more than others. I have gained a lot of weight in the past 3 years but the doc. says I am actually on the smaller side for someone with PCOD. If you don't try to control your weight you could get to a weight that is very unhealthy (another side note- I have lost about 9 lbs in 2 months) I can get cancer in my female organs a lot easier, I will be more prone to having a heart attack (but trying to stay healthy and loose the weight helps decrease that) Sometimes I can actually feel my ovaries hurt.... YUCK! When I eat something with sugar (ie- candy bar, a coke even some fruits that are high in sugar or breads and pasta) my body is incapable of handling the sugar (b/c of the disease) like a normal person can. This is the reason for the weight gain and the anemia type symptoms that I sometimes feel. If you are the kind of person that likes to read up about things you can Google PCOS and read more about it. Their are tons of other symptoms but like I said not everyone has all of them. Kids will more than likely be hard for us..... but the Lord will do as he sees fit. We will just have to wait and see when that time comes. I have a feeling that it will be an emotional roller coaster (Eric and I have already gotten on the ride sometime ago when we had something unexpected happen (at the time we had no idea about the disease but now looking back the disease explain it all)..... we got though it and now we are going down that huge hill in the beginning.... well we have almost made it down that hill and hopefully the other twist and turns, with this disease and with life, wont be so bad). I don't need sympathy I just needed to get it out their..... I began this post several times now and thanks to Jenny, who opened up her heart and feeling a few weeks ago when she and Brandon were thrown through a rough turn on the emotional roller coaster, I felt like I could just sit down and write it and get if off my chest.